“All By Myself” Remix: Food Edition (feat. hotdogs)

30 May


Dear Zoe,
So, here’s the thing: since Thursday I have been home by myself for what has been the start of a two week stint of solitude during which I ought to be packing up my house in preparation to move. So far, pitifully little packing has progressed leaving, as you might suppose, plenty of time for this sometimes food blogger to make trips to the grocery store or the farmer’s market (hello spring!) for prime ingredients to transmogrify into magnificent, single-portion meals. But yeah…no.
Rather, for the past four days, I have been taking time out from reading online news blogs and playing the same songs over and over on my guitar, to fix myself this lunch.
Dear friend, will you please help me end this cycle of lunch abuse?
Much love and gratitude in advance,

If you are a close follower of this blog, you may remember from a while back a post suggesting ways to fancy-fy your box macaroni. If, upon reading that post, you thought to yourself, “Yeah, that’s still not gourmet” then get ready to have your standards of bloggable home cooking demolished even further.

Hotdogs (Delux … but not really)

1 hotdog
1 long squirt spicy yellow mustard (or whatever mustard, it really doesn’t matter)
1/2T mayonnaise (the real stuff – this does matter)
1/4c lacto-fermented ginger carrots (easy and fun to make at home) or other sauerkraut
1 slice sandwich bread

Boil the hotdog in a little water
While the hotdog boils, make toast
When toast pops, spread with … I mean, seriously, do you really need these directions?
Put the dog n’ the fixins on the toast.
Think about how sad it is that you can’t muster the energy to make something better.
Caveat this thought by acknowledging that the hotdog tastes great with the ginger carrots.
Remark out loud that this still in no way justifies eating this “meal” for lunch four days in a row.
Realize you’ve been talking out loud to yourself.
Vow to make something different tomorrow.
Remember that there are six more hotdogs left in the pack.
Resign yourself to your fate.

Thanks for listening.


One Response to ““All By Myself” Remix: Food Edition (feat. hotdogs)”

  1. Robin May 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Oh, you are my daughter. Hang on to the cook in your life! Loved the post.

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